TRANSPARENCY: WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR ASSUMPTIONS “GO WRONG”

What does it mean to assume? In short, it means that we believe the people we interact with on a daily basis are being transparent. We think they will follow through. During the course of our daily lives, we make a lot of assumptions. We assume that our friend will show up for lunch or that our next appointment will be on-time.  There just isn’t enough time to be hyper-critical of the dozens of small interactions we have on a daily basis. But why do we assume so much and sometimes (to a detriment) think that others are being truthful despite our inhibitions?

Because it makes life easier. 

What kind of world would we live in where everything came with a question mark? What if every time we spoke, someone assumed we were lying? What if everytime we were a few minutes late, people assumed we just weren’t showing up and had no interest in being there? Our lives would be incredibly stressful and we’d eventually all go into self-preservation mode. None of us would be wearing “rose-colored glasses.” Every time we turned around we would feel like we were being interrogated. Our days would be spent needlessly fighting and arguing over unimportant things. Consequently, humans have evolved with a tendency to “default-to-truth.” A subconscious sort of will to see the best in others or assume that others are being truthful. It just makes life easier.

Psychologist Tim Levine conducted a series of experiments in the late 1970’s to try and understand this phenomenon. He asked a long-list of seasoned FBI veterans to review a series of video interviews with college students. During these interviews, the students were asked about an academic dishonesty incident that had occured the previous week. Many of the students had heard every detail, knew people involved, or were involved themselves. Some knew nothing at all. And while many of them seemed very forthcoming and honest, others seemed to shy away from the difficult questions and appeared deceptive. When Levine asked the FBI agents to identify which of the college students were lying and which of them were telling the truth, they were right 50% of the time. How could someone whose expertise is in law enforcement and uncovering deception be so bad at determining whether or not a student is lying?

Levine then asked a group of various blue-collar workers with no training in law enforcement to review the same tapes. How good were they at determining who was being honest? They were right 50% of the time.

After countless variations on his experiment, Levine then came to a striking conclusion. Humans are terrible at detecting lies. The idea that we can tell if someone is lying by whether or not they look away, sweat, become nervous or any of the above is preposterous. All of the special techniques and methods that we have developed for trying to determine are rarely accurate. And the reason isn’t so obvious. Assuming truthfulness is a part of our human nature. It’s an evolutionary trait designed for our well-being. We don’t want to live in a world where our every move is questioned. The aforementioned world would be no place to live. Consequently, we’ve developed a sort of tolerance for “little-white lies” and assume the best in others. In other words, we “default-to-truth.” It’s in our DNA to accept people’s words and actions as truthful. Nobody blames us when someone doesn’t show up to an appointment. Nobody blames us when our friend doesn’t show up to lunch. Things happen.

Is there anything that can be done about this?

We should be transparent and follow through. When it comes to scheduling meetings, working with clients, giving presentations, and so on, we shouldn’t leave any room for people to believe their assumptions are wrong. If we say we are going to do something, we should do it. When we agreed to take on the responsibility, the person in front of us didn’t have time to waste to determine whether or not we were being dishonest. They assumed we would follow through. It is now our job to always follow through. Nobody likes being “made-a-fool.” We should focus on building the very foundation of trust, which is honesty. When we say we are going to do something, we should follow through. When we are speaking with someone, we should be entirely truthful. Even if it hurts. 

If we don’t practice these strategies in our modern workplaces, we will all eventually go into “self-protection mode. Ultimately creating that world where everyone assumes the worst in others; where everyone is hyper-critical of everything and unwilling to accept even the smallest of mistakes; a miserable place to live.

So, what can be done to avoid this? 

We have to accept our own limitations. Things won’t always go as planned. People will let us down and things will fall through. But it doesn’t mean that we should throw out the playbook and stop trying. Just because we assumed the best in someone and it didn’t go well, it doesn’t mean that it’s time to start playing the blame game. In business, you win some and you lose some. But you pick yourself up. Even though sometimes you feel like you’ve done all you can and it didn’t work out because of this or that, there is no choice but to move on. By doing so, you can transform what has happened into an opportunity for growth.

Here are a few questions to help you get started the next time your assumptions “go wrong” 

• “Knowing what I do know, how will I approach this situation next time?”
• “Where can I improve?”
• “Do I have enough support or the right type of support I need? If not, where can I find it?”
• “Do I have all of the skills I need? If not, how do I get them?”